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  • Writer's pictureCynthia Way

"The Wrong New Story"

It was the last night of the Self Love & Compassion masterclass, the culmination of the 5 weeks of our deep dive into learning to shed the old stories. You know, the ones that star you as the loser, as the one who had awful parents, as the one who isn't this or isn't that. And then creating a new story based on your best self, both the self that you are and the self you are becoming.

We were sharing our new stories with one another and Mia was reluctant to share hers. She said that she created her new story a while ago, but all that her new story did was give her pain because it got her hopes up that things could be different, that she would find the love of her life, and that hanging on to that hope had only brought heartache and pain each time it didn't work out. So using a "Rewiring Model" we had learned in the class, we uncovered the implicit underlying thought: "In order for me to be happy, I need to find the love of my life." Mia had a revelation: "Maybe I've been living into the wrong new story all these years!"

And then she pondered a new thought that would lead to a new story: "I can and will enjoy my life WHILE I look for my love partner." In Mia's revised new story, she doesn't need a special someone in order to enjoy her life, to find happiness. That happiness is available to her right now, in this moment. Having this "new" new story doesn't mean she gives up hope for finding a partner. It doesn't mean she's not disappointed when it doesn't work out. But it does mean that happiness is available to her regardless. And that if it doesn't work out with someone, that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with her or that she'll always be alone. It just means that it didn't work out.

How often do we wrap our happiness around a goal: Find a partner, get that promotion. And when it doesn't happen, we get depressed, wonder what's wrong with us, or what's wrong with them. While it sometimes feels hard to believe, we can choose to be happy or not. We can choose self love and compassion. We can choose the thoughts we want to have. Then those thoughts produce feelings. And those feelings inform the actions we take, which in turn bring us the results we get. It really is all in your mind! And yes, it is important to let yourself feel your emotions, but are you getting stuck in them? Are they keeping you stuck?

Most of us have had traumatic events in our lives. But we can choose what relationship we want to have with that event. Do we want it to define who we are? Do we want it to limit us into thinking we are less capable or less deserving? Or do we want to mine it for what we learned, or what we gained as a result? For example, my standing up to my verbally abusive father resulted in a big strength for me: Willing to take a stand for myself and others in unjust situations. Willing to talk truth to power.

Would you like to find out more about how to change your thinking so you can change your life? Would you like to find more joy in your life? Spoiler alert: It has to do with self love, compassion and acceptance. Please join us for our Self Love & Compassion Masterclass.

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